So my lovely bride and I are relaxing in front of the TV, watching the gratuitous Olympic Games coverage on NBC.
Costas the Destroyer comes on after Rogers and Dalhausser sticking it to the Argentinians in beach volleyball in two sets. I think, Oh, look — Mary Carillo with some more vapid “look how cool China is” tripe!
So then Mary launches into a description of her visit to the Great and Wonderful Panda Conservatory. It was actually a mildly interesting look into how China is bringing a rare species back from the brink of extinction.
Some interesting things I learned:
- Pandas are usually born as twins
- Panda mommies usually abandon one of the twins
- Panda genitalia are shockingly visible when the male stands on his hind legs — this is not family-friendly programming!
- It’s good to be a male panda in captivity, especially in a breeding conservatory. You get all the panda action you can stand, and you don’t even have to buy them dinner.
But the winner was:
- If the evening isn’t going as well as planned, there’s a solution: panda porn
That’s right! If your fuzzy little friend is feeling the stress of his stud service [because saving your species can put some pressure on a guy to perform, I'm sure] just roll the A-V cart up to his cage and let him watch the classics: Mai Ling Does Sichuan, or maybe Ming Dy-NASTY. I’d like to produce proof of this for any skeptics, but I can’t find a video clip of it anywhere.
You gotta be kidding me… panda porn… probably a little slice of Chinese color we would rather have done without.
